Scenario: a bus has just dropped off you and your friend in the middle of the Croatian wilderness. You walk down the path to the ranger station, and as bus rattles off into distance, you realize that Plitvice National Park’s North Entrance is closed, because it’s November. There’s a map, but you have no idea what the map’s scale is: the other entrance could be a mile away, or twenty. It might be closed. It’s quiet. Leaves rustle softly as they flutter down through the mist. As you calculate the hours until nightfall, and as a tiny voice in the back of your mind begins to wonder just how long you could survive on that chunk of bread you’ve nibbling at since morning, the reality of your situation hits.
Pick your next move.
1) You and your co-venturer realize the ridiculousness of your situation simultaneously. You look straight at each other and burst into uncontrollable laughter. Deciding to walk along the highway in the general direction of the backup ranger station,you joke (kind of) about hitching a ride from one of the occasional passing cars, and declare, “WHAT AN ADVENTURE!”
2) You collectively burst into tears, huddled on the forest floor, and begin counting down to your impending death.
3) Someone says “well this never would have happened if YOU hadn’t decided we should see the waterfalls.” The next thing you know, you’re in a full blown argument about whose fault it is that the park is closed in November. In your bitter resentment, you refuse to speak to each other. Someone stomps off into the forest, never to be seen again.
Life is the ultimate choose-your-own-adventure, but let’s be real: no sane traveler would pick choice two or three.
The thing is, we sometimes do.
By deciding to travel with a friend who doesn’t share your travel aspirations, your trip is 100% more likely to spontaneously combust. This is science. This is truth. You’re suddenly angry and alone and in the middle of the Croatian wilderness.
So before you book that five month trek through Nepal with your best friend since birth, who you LOVE (and omigod we would have the best time just doing yoga and smoking weed and falling in love with sherpas), except she hates bugs, hiking, and meeting new people: stop. Hold up, wait a minute, and seriously consider your endgame, your goals. Do they match your co-adventurer’s? Be honest: do they match? It’s a simple question, but it’s the absolute most important to ask when you’re seeking to maximize the awesomeness of your next big adventure. It’s always better to know before you go. (And if you have a sudden epiphany that you and your bff would go batshit crazy on a long trip with a gazillion variables: plan something easy and short, like, idk, a weekend in Cabo. Copious margs tend to solve these kinds of problems.)
Compare:
- What’s your budget? (It’s number one for a reason. Hugely important.)
- How much or little do you need to plan in order to be at ease?
- Related: how comfortable are you with change, and how willing are you to be flexible?
- How much sleep do you need? Are you on an early or late schedule?
- What’s your focus? (e.g. seeing ALL the sights, partying as much as possible, “relaxing,” catching every single pro soccer game on your route, tanning for three months, celebrity stalking, intensive bird watching, etc.)
- Where do you fall on the adventurousness scale? I like to use a scale of wonderbread to skydiving, but to each her own.
- Need for showers? (aka your capacity for surviving with travel grit for a day or two while, for instance, climbing up an awesome mountain)
- How’s your cultural sensitivity? (or, how likely are you to dub a different way of doing something as “so backwards,” dismiss other cultures’ systems of politeness, or crack offensive jokes)
- How do you like to make decisions? By yourself? Collaboratively?
- How much/little do you need time alone while you travel?
- What’s your reaction in a crisis? (panic, call mom, find a solution, befriend the nearest police officer, etc.)
- How well do you compromise?
Compare notes, be honest with your goals and expectations, and when the unexpected knocks you off your feet (as it always does), you’ll laugh, and figure out how to get out of that hot mess together. Because that’s what travel soulmates/co–venturers do.
Full disclosure: Lest you think I’m a judgmental best-friend hater, making and keeping friends is one of my favorite activities and biggest priorities. It’s precisely because of this that I’m picky about my long-term travel buds. Trying to keep both my sanity and my friendships 🙂
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